The summer before final school year, hot, boring and worst of all lonely. I was too busy studying and pursuing different hobbies and at some point realized that everyone in school had a group to spend their time with and a bunch of friends; everyone but myself. So I kept doing what I was good at for a while - learning new things, but this was neither fulfilling nor joyful anymore. Quiet solitude I used to live in turned into sharp razors of loneliness that were shaving bits off my soul, one cut at a time.
I was in Italy with my dad, partly because there were no peers to go with. He is an admirable person, I always learn a ton from him and appreciate it, but there is still a thirty year gap between the two of us. So loneliness peaked and I decided to try and do something with the situation I had gotten myself into. Even then I knew it was entirely my fault. After some tinkering the fake account on vk (Russian facebook) was created and I sent one message to a person with obviously fake account as well. Just what I needed, a stranger to talk to, nameless, faceless, with no bonds between us. Blacklist and forget if anything goes wrong, be grateful for the interaction with human being otherwise.
It’s been three and a half years since, we write to each other every day. I’ve met people along the way that think of such friendship as “fake” or “unreal”. At some point I was called a hypocrite because of this, because “one can’t be their real self without a proper face-to-face interaction”. I’m unsure how common this view is, but I’d list a few reasons why I value this interaction as high as actual interpersonal exchange. Won’t change anyone’s mind but it’s not like I lose anything.
Firstly, it’s immideate. Using messaging services enables you to contact a person whenever you feel like it. If something happens and you write them about it - the emotions are raw and the experience is fresh in your memory. This way of communication tells about you much more than what you would tell in a party after a while, when the information is processed and the emotions have fainted.
Secondly, it eliminates hipocrisy. Which is contrary to what I was told at some point, but whenever I feel like the high school “wasn’t actually too bad”, I can always refer to what I wrote to my friends during breaks. There are a few things other than tiredness and crippling loneliness. My brain is trying to keep good memories and forget everything else, but my messages contain the excruciating mindanity of these days.
Thirdly, it’s the bes practise one could get when it comes to writing. Be precise, convey your emotions in the form of text and make sure your “correspondent” understood you well. Your words should be read the way you intend, with your voice and emotion. Limit your use of emojis and stickers for better experience, and try to keep your grammar and spelling somewhat decent. At least that’s what I do.
Lastly, at least for this text, it is still an interaction with another human being. The means matter little, as long as both parties have consensual fun and take care of each other. And yes, I did intend to say what I have said.
Dixi.
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